the big talk before camp...

, originally uploaded by Run Steve Run.

My oldest daughter went to, what I consider, her first "youth retreat" alone this weekend.

I was nervous.

I felt like she and I needed to have a talk before we put her on the bus that would take her to a camp about an hour north where she would experience time in nature… with a bunch of boys, with volunteer leaders that we don't really know, boys, and with all the pressures that come with going on a Christian retreat at a Christian camp. Did I mention boys?

Actually, I wasn't worried about the boys, or Kara running after them either, at least not yet. But I was worried... about camp. Once you’ve been around in the Christian-world-o-ramma, you figure out some of the patterns associated with it, along with a predictable “camp experience” – Kids go to camp, they get worn out by too much fresh air, activities... and sugar. And at the right time, some well-intentioned, adult has your kid making some "decision" to accept something, or go somewhere, or step forward, or commit to some super spiritual "let-go-and-let-Jesus" issue.

And I was nervous.

Don't get me wrong. I love my church and I'm supportive of our youth group team. I want to be a cheerleading parent, and I want to be more than someone on the sidelines that lobs complaints about the group. It's just that, too often, I’ve observed that some well-intentioned adults in retreat settings are convinced that it’s their responsibility to get kids to make big decisions/commitment/etc. And I believe... it's not.

So Kara and I had a talk. We talked about the fact that, as a family together, we seek to live out the Gospel. I reminded her that she and I have talked about what it means to follow Jesus and that I see evidence of God in her life through the spiritual fruit that God is growing in and through her. I gently cautioned her that, if anyone asks her to make any "decision," to kindly answer "no, thank you” explaining that decisions or issues can be talked in the context of community– her family.

Do I think decisions at camp are bad? Most of the time, I’d have to say yes… because it potentially short-circuits the most important relationship a student has… and that is one with their parents and family.

Youth leaders must keep this frame of reference in mind for retreats, small groups, and youth groups in general. I’ll support any youth leader who understands that. I’ll even view them as my pastor.