Dad, I'm 14

“This is what the teenage boy said as his dad took him to the skate park for lessons last Saturday morning. The dad was insisting that teenage skater boy wear knee pads. “Dad, I’m 14.”

If you were there, you would interpret this, not as a declaration of his age, but a proclamation of his person. I’m 14, I don’t need you to tell me what to wear, I don’t need you to protect me, I don’t need you to treat me like I’m half of 14 (At the same time, skater boy didn’t seem to mind that dad was paying for him to skate that day).

I watched this exchange with great interest. Maybe the fascination comes out of fear that I’ll soon be hearing these words from my own girls. But even more, it was to me a small picture of a broader concept I’ve been thinking through lately:

At what point do teachers/mentors/pastors/parents… let go? And I wonder if we overstay our welcome.

Let me give you two other snapshots…

The first happened at our Emergent West Michigan Gathering this past Wednesday. Isaac, who is from Kenya, shared with us what he’s trying to accomplish in his hometown through reaching the poor and the downtrodden. Isaac’s passion for this is nothing less than inspiring.

Isaac, graciously talked about how he and others are trying to rethink church in their context. The problem seems to be that the established church (to which Isaac showed great respect and appreciation) seems to have not only embraced the Gospel… but also has imported “the American way.” This “American way” brought the gospel, but now seems to have hindered the gospel. “The American Way” rang louder in my ears than this gracious Kenyan said it, but his statement stuck me. Am I aware of the contextual trappings that lace my communication of the Gospel? And is it helping or hurting?

I believe that we cannot get rid of our contextual dye in a Gospel message. Part of me doesn’t want to, because, as one friend reminded me, this is the fabric of incarnation… Jesus comes to us… in a context. Pure context-free gospel is really no gospel at all. And at the same time, can the dye be so dark in our Christian fabric that the gospel gets lost or discolored?

So maybe the issues isn’t getting rid of context (because we can’t) but rethinking our timeline of influence.

The second snapshot comes from a book recommended to me by a colleague and one we’re using for our Theology of Youth Ministry Course at GRTS. It’s called “Christianity Rediscovered” by Father Vincent J. Donovan. Donovan was a missionary to the Masai in Tanzania and describes his journey of having to deconstruct his cultural trappings as best he could to communicate the Gospel… and his realization that once that Gospel is communicated (and this is more than a simple 4 step message), that the community by the power of the Holy Spirit must wrestle with what the expression of this Gospel looks like. This book was originally published in 1978 but rings so relevant for us today.

Father Donovan states that missionaries should never stay in a community one day long than they ought. Why? Because we’re more tempted to make the Gospel in another culture… like our culture rather than allowing that culture to make it their own, expressing it in their way.

Dad, I’m 14– recognize my teenageness. Don’t discount it.
Exporting The American Way– recognize our east-africanness. Don’t try to change it.
Christianity Rediscovered.

I don’t believe that this means that the “gospel is up for grabs” or that “anything goes.” Rather, I think there’s a challenge to all “mature followers” to not be so quick to expect another’s path toward faith be the same as theirs’. I think it means that there are points in life when we “let go” and stop trying to control the situation. I think this forces us to faithfully communicate the Gospel, aware of our contextual dye, and careful to not overextend our stay.

I think this goes for parenting.
I think this goes for youth ministry.
I think this goes for politics.
I think this goes for teaching.
I think this goes for pastoring.
I think this goes for friendship.

Oh… and this is really hard. I’d like to say it’s hard because I love other people and don’t want them to “make mistakes.” But I think it’s also hard because it challenges my own perspective on the world and reminds me of my own distortions.

Incidentally, I saw skater teenage boy wearing knee pads an hour later. I think he discovered that they weren’t a bad idea after all. The cool thing, is that he chose to wear them on his own rather than because his dad made him.

Where in our own worlds have “overstayed our welcome?” Where have we also refused to go and need to… to be changed ourselves?

Peace Friends. Have a great weekend.